Horny Morning

You know what I’m really sick of?

You decide to go out and have a few drinks. And there’s some cute guys at the bar, and maybe you catch the eye of one of them. He comes over to chat, you have a few more drinks, do a bit of dancing, and you’re thinking, yeah, he’s not bad, I’d fuck that. But you’re also getting kinda drunk, so you think maybe you should get it done before you forget how your dick works.

So you pull him aside and tell him where you wanna stick your cock—and his—and he’s up for it, so you Uber home together and end up naked in bed in a tangle of blankets and limbs. And that’s all you remember. Next thing you know, you’re waking up swearing at the air because of the fucking broken blinds letting the sun in again and the light stabbing through your eyes like knives. Then you swear some more because you’re alone in bed, and based on how your body feels, you didn’t even manage a piss the night before, let alone an orgasm.

And then you stagger out of the bedroom with a few more curses, and kick the door—hurting your toe because you’re a dumbass—and half-fall into the sitting room…and then your brain short-circuits. Because there’s a buck-naked stallion sleeping on the couch. A really fucking hot one. Is is the guy from the night before? When was he that hot? What the fucking fuck?

And your classy rhinoceros-like waking has woken him too, but while you look like someone stuck two ears and a muzzle onto a ball of mud and twigs, he looks like the body model for Dr Manhattan from that movie with the big blue swinging dick. And you should probably be looking at his face to say good morning, but instead you’re looking at his dick because you don’t think he’s even totally fucking hard yet and it’s already halfway down his leg. And his balls look like big black pomegranates and you just wanna fucking suck on them forever…

And he laughs and lifts his arms above his head and stretches, and the way his muscles move makes it hard to think. And he blinks at you, and his eyes are really fucking blue, and he says good morning. Says you passed out before you could get to the fun stuff. Says he hopes you don’t mind that he slept here, but he was really hoping you could pick up where you left off. And then he reaches down to his dick, and grabs it, and slaps it against his thigh a few times…

Yeah. I’m so sick of that happening.